Friday night we had plans to go to a wedding reception and Dan had to work at the fish stand for the Mascoutah Noon Lions until we received a call regarding my Great Uncle Jim, the closest thing I had to a grandfather as both my mom's and dad's fathers passed away when my parents were young (my mom, 26 and my dad, just 16.) The doctor's explained to my Aunt Margie they were going to keep him "comfortable."
An hour or so later, our entire family was gathered around his bedside. It was truly a surreal experience - his wife, children, sister, sister-in-law, nephews and their families all gathered around his bed. I will always remember that picture, a dark room with just a light on Uncle Jim and all of his loved ones gathered around, watching him sleep. Almost like in a movie though, he would open his eyes and respond to questions (via head nod or shake) from his children and wife. My mom said, "I love you," and he mouthed, "I love you" back to her.
We left around 10:30, maybe 11 that night. And, as Jack said at the hospital, "Jesus is coming to get Uncle Jim tonight." And that He certainly did. We received a call Saturday morning telling us the news that he passed away around 2:10 a.m.
I can honestly say that this world lost the most gentle, kind hearted, honest and faithful man that I have ever met. When we moved back to IL from NJ when Jack was just a baby, we would visit Uncle Jim and Aunt Margie almost weekly. I will never forget those visits and the fun times we shared with him - hanging out in their backyard and his amazing garden, or going for fish to a bar in Milstadt!
Please say a prayer for Uncle Jim's wife, children and granddaughters, who I know miss him more than words can say or I can type! He will be forever missed by all he came in contact with!
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3 comments:
Everything Amy said about Uncle Jim was right on target. From the few years I knew him, he always had a kind word to say and was such an honest caring man. I will miss him.
-Steve
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Uncle. Please know if you guys need anything, we are just a phone call away.
Now I've taken some heat for not leaving any comments on here yet, but it is at this somber time that I will leave my first comment. And it will be a comment not about the blogger, my lovely wife, or about my awesome boys, Jack, Nick or Luke, but about (and to) the man who the world lost in the wee hours of this past Saturday morning.
God does indeed work in mysterious and highly-misunderstood ways, as He brought our whole family together on Friday night to see my Great Uncle-in-Law, Jim Donner, who was just a shadow of his former self, and maybe give us a glimpse into ourselves as well.
I've come to know Uncle Jim as a man who no one could possibly NOT love.
*Kind and gentle in his manner and his words
*Quiet and seemingly gruff, yet amazing at drawing the attention of and bonding with anyone, children and adults alike (and ESPECIALLY our three boys)
*Proud soldier, who bravely fought for our country in World War II, and lived to tell the stories about it
*Gardener extraordinaire, one of the resident green thumbs in our family, who interestingly enough, lived in the "big city" of Belleville, IL, instead of on a farm in Clinton County
*The genealogy expert of the Weber family, even though he was a Donner
*The better half of the sweet and lovable, yet just a little bit "off," Aunt Margie (and I say that with the utmost affection!)
*Great uncle adored "as a grandfather" by my wife, and thus by myself (my last grandparent died about 20 years ago, and Uncle Jim was just like a grandfather to me, too).
Yes, watching him in his hospital bed on that final night, I had to wonder what God was thinking. It was painful to watch.
This was suffering that, if we think using only our human nature, was unfair and certainly not worthy of a "reasonable explanation." Why couldn't God just take him, already? He was having so much trouble breathing, his organs were failing, his family was crying - why was this all happening?
Because God didn't make his point yet, that's why.
I looked at Jim and I thought back to when my father (4/6/28 - 2/9/04) died. I was not there when he died, and I really wanted to stay by Jim's side, to help "make up" for the fact that I could not be at my dad's bedside when he died. I was determined to stay there with Jim's immediate family until Jim breathed his last, just so I could help them through that moment. I don't know if it sounds weird or not, but that's what I was thinking.
But we had to go. Boys had to go to sleep. I stepped up to Jim's bed, took his hand, and said, "Jim, I'll see ya, all right?" Maybe I imagined this, but he opened his eyes and gave me a little nod. I have these moments sometimes, when it seems God is talking to me, but I really believe Jim nodded at me.
This reminded me of the day before my dad died. He always gave me a hard time. When I talked to him each weekend, he would close by saying, "Send my love to Amy, Jackie (i.e. our son, Jack, who he called Jackie), Dunkin (our dog), and you." My other boys were not yet born, but they would've come before me, too, if they had been.
Well, the night before he died, he said, "Send my love to YOU..." I cut him off and said, "Whaddya mean, me first?" He said, "That's right - you first - always you first." Then he sent his love to everyone else. The next day, I got the news at work that my father had died.
God has his reasons for doing things. We're not supposed to ask why. He also has different ways of getting things across in different situations. For my dad, and me, He got his point across on the phone that night.
For our family and Uncle Jim, it meant coming to his bedside one last time to see him. The suffering that Jim seemed to be doing was actually a smoke screen, I think, for the deeper point that God was trying to make.
We were all there.
We all said our good-byes, and we all had our opportunity to tell Jim one last time that we loved him. And he told us too.
Jim was an incredible man of faith and character, and through him, God made a point again.
In Uncle Jim, I now have another man, just like my dad, against whom I can measure others - and measure myself. If I can be more like Uncle Jim, I will touch people during my life and my death.
We will miss you, Uncle Jim.
I'll see ya, Jim, all right?
Love,
Dan
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